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Exercise bracelet: the big plan!!!

I have been very busy trying to come up with a plan to achieve my daily target of 4,000 points – I still don’t know what they are: calories? Sweat drop? Extra heart beats? I just know I need to get up to 4,000 a day.

Not to brag or anything, but I think I managed to come up with a pretty good list that should allow me to avoid gym entirely WITHOUT feeling guilty.

Before I reveal my secret, let me make a few introductory points:

First, I was thinking of SELLING my secret to you. Because it is that GOOD! But I changed my mind. This will be my gift to all moms in the world who read my blog – like a reward.

Secondly, let’s just understand that there are things we MUST do during the day, regardless of how many points they bring. For example, blogging two hours a day is unavoidable. Yet it contributes zero to my 4,000 target. So I have to be very clever and make up for all these hours where I sit on my butt, staring at my screen. Driving is another example of useless but necessary activity. It brings zero point, yet there is no way around it to go to the supermarket, drop the kids here and there. A good alternative might be to hire a guy to drive you around while you sit in the back, waving your arms in order to get the point clock running. Just warn the guy beforehand though…

Thirdly, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will I lower my target.  That would be admitting defeat, laziness. Plus, it would put me in the average of “women my age” and I cannot, simply cannot let THEM win.

Finally, I want to apologize to my kids. I want to apologize to Jake, because for years he has been trying to dodge brushing his teeth. And all that time, I have been telling him off. “What do you need to be reminded?”, “You should know better”, blahblahblah…. Every day, I would nag the poor kid out of his brain. This morning, I brushed my teeth with my bracelet on. And I got one point for it. ONE LOUZY POINT. Jake has been right the whole time! Brushing teeth is a total waste of time as far as points are concerned.

I want to apologize to Kyle for telling him off when he leaves his clothes lying around in his bedroom. Today, I went to pick them up – I had to do two trips because there was a lot. And that got me 20 points. I hope he continues to not listen to me so I can get extra points…

I want to apologize to Skye for not going upstairs to get her favorite purple cat right after we just arrived downstairs. From now on, I will make as many trips up and down the stairs as she pleases…

With all that said, I need to give a final warning: I am not quite sure whether you are supposed to keep the bracelet while taking a shower. It feels counter intuitive. I for one never take a shower with my jewelry as I am worried it could get damaged – my most precious bracelet being a rainbow loom one… But, it seems such a wasted opportunity not to: a shower, including hair washing, cranks up…. Are you ready for this? …. 40 POINTS!!!

OK, wanna know my secret? Well, you’ll have to read my blog tomorrow!! How cruel! I know! It’s not just because I am mean and vicious. But my two hour blogging time is up so I don’t have any more time to post my plan. The evil bracelet is looking at me, grinning and thinking I won’t make my target on day one…

Oh, just one last warning though: there is a slight risk of going insane so be cautious.  You might find yourself talking, screaming and swearing at your wrist. I just spent the last five minutes doing just that and I am only on day one…

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