Exercise bracelet: the catches

This is my last post about my exercise bracelet. I promise. Not that I don’t have a LOT more to talk about. But I have to get back to my life at some point…

For over a week now, I have been wearing my bracelet. I set it up like I am doing an iron man every day. ( Side note: I don’t quite know what an iron man is. All I know is that I will NEVER be involved in one) Since then, I have dedicated most of my energy trying to dodge the simplest exercise routine. I had great hopes that I would beat the machine. And by that I mean, I was quite confident that I would easily crank up my 4,000 points a day without breaking too big a sweat. If you read my first posts from a few days ago, I was boasting a little. “Eat my dust, blah blah blah…” Well, now is the time to start eating humble pie. A big chunk of it!

Because I am failing. I am failing miserably, I am nowhere near my target and each day it’s getting worse and worse.

I should have known that behind such a great gift, there was going to be a catch…. Several catches as a matter of fact.

The first one is: you cannot reach any sensible target UNLESS YOU EXERCISE. Excuse me for being surprised!!I did not think that it was obvious it was called an exercise bracelet for that reason. Plenty of things have got names that are different from what they are used for. For example…. hum… let me think… well, nothing comes to mind at the moment, so you’ll just have to believe me on that one… Basically, if you buy that thing, you better make sure you have got a serious pair of trainers to go with it.

The second catch is: it has a reward system in place. Whenever you don’t achieve your target, it reminds you: “This week, you have… ZERO reward, because you have achieved your target … ZERO times” Cheeky!! I am  not quite sure what the rewards are, or what happens when you do make your plan. Because quite notoriously, this has never happened to me.

The third catch is: It adds your points over a week? A year? your whole life? Not sure…. But it means that when you don’t achieve your target one day, you have to make it up for it the next day. Let me illustrate with an example. Take a person who has foolishly set a target of 4,000 a day. After a whole week, that lazy delusional woman has reached a total of 14,000. Sounds a lot. Except, it’s 14,000 out of 28,000. THAT’S RIGHT!! Barely half the target! I am disgusted, discouraged. I want to sit on my sofa, cry and eat chocolate right now.

And to add insult to injury, that thing is programmed to be cynical. It says I achieve 10,000 (over five days instead of two and a half) and it says something like, “Seriosuly, it ain’t bad”, or “It’s something!” or some equally patronizing sentence.

What was my husband thinking when he bought me that thing???

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