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Five things you SHOULDN’T DO when driving…

I am not going to state the obvious here! When you read a post about, “Five tips to a healthier lifestyle” for example, you don’t expect to read stuff like, “Stop eating junk food”, or “Get off your lazy butt and start exercising”. Because it is implied that you already know that.

Likewise, I am not going to say that you should not text or phone while driving. Although, given the number of people I bust doing just that, I think that maybe it’s not common knowledge, so let’s make this post, “Six things you shouldn’t do while driving” and the number one is: DO NOT TEXT/ PHONE AND DRIVE. Never, under no circumstances is this ever, ever, ever acceptable.  Just pull over. Got that?!! OK, now on with the less obvious stuff…

1. Don’t try to discipline your kids or settle an argument with them. Forget it! You can never win. You cannot make eye contact other than glance for a split second in your rear mirror. The rest of the time, your unruly children might just be pulling faces at you, you’ll never know… Whatever you scream is totally ignored because it just looks like you are talking to your dashboard. So all you will achieve is make more noise, so they’ll have to out scream you. No, trust me, the only thing to do is push the button that winds up the soundproof parting glass separating you form the mayhem taking place at the back. An imaginary parting glass works as well.

2. Don’t sing to your steering wheel. It’s ok to hum a little tune here and there, tap your fingers lightly on your thigh. But for the love of God, don’t act like you are on stage at Madison Square Garden, giving the performance of your life. For one, closing your eyes while holding your imaginary microphone and traveling to your happy place is dangerous. But on top of it, everybody’s watching you!

3. Don’t wind your windows down in the summer. Winter is ok, but not summer. Counter-intuitive, you think? Well, let me ask you this: what is going to fly in your car while you enjoy the nice warm breeze in your hair? Flies, bees, cicadas, YOU NAME IT! And what happens when an alien-like looking creature invades your territory? You scream, wave your arms, panic and try to escape the moving car. And in case you, like me, attempted to do all these things while driving, you know it is a very, very bad idea. Oh?! You think I am a chicken? Well, I would like to see what you do when THIS flies in your car….

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In winter, the only thing threatening to “attack” you is a snowflake so that’s ok…

4. Don’t reverse in somebody’s car just because you did not bother to look, you ignored the screeching “beep” that you car does whenever you are too close to something, and the camera at the back is just a fancy accessory that no good driver ever uses. Well, neither do the bad ones…

5. Don’t try to make any sense of your son screaming, “Mom, I lost my tooth!” when you are driving to school and had no coffee yet. Take it from me, just ignore the whole thing. Otherwise it will go something like that:

“Mom, I just lost a tooth.

What? Where?

In my mouth! Duh!! Mom, seriously…. NO! NO! Don’t turn around, look at the road!! It’s fine, it does not matter…

What do you mean? Of course it matters. Are you supposed to lose any more teeth?

Why? What does that mean? I don’t know.  Am I not?

I don’t know. Show me the tooth.

NO!!! Don’t turn around, just look at the road. OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!!! It’s bleeding!!!!

WHAT?!!!! Let me pull over!”

And that’s how a three minute uneventful daily, boring trip to school turns into a twenty minute trek filled with dangers and close calls…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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