How long does it take to pay a bill – part two

Who would have thought there is so much to write about paying a bill!!

Yesterday, I explained how difficult, bordering on impossible it is for me to pay a bill within a week and without a looooot of drama.

I was hardly finished publishing my posts that I could hear your little voices through my computer, saying things along the lines of, “What about Bill Pay you dummy?!” You think I don’t know about that? Of course I do!!! You go on the computer, type some magic words and woosh! The bill gets paid!

Sure, paying bills electronically would avoid all the issues around finding a checkbook, an envelope, a stamp. But how are you going to pay anything when you are lacking two essential steps in the process?

Firstly, you must have a computer – easier said than done! I have a computer. It is mine. I have put stickers all over it with my name so that it is obvious to everybody that it’s mine. I am not selfish or anything, I don’t mind sharing it. But I would appreciate if I could get a priority on it once in a while! Well, that’s not going to happen any time soon. Because Skye’s French movies only play on my laptop. Jake has set up a whole library of guitar partitions that he needs to consult on a regular basis – i.e. every time I need my computer. Kyle has got shortcuts to every single online shops that sell sports goods, guess where? Correct!! On my computer! Occasionally, I manage to steal my own laptop, lock myself in the bathroom to try paying my bills. And on these very rare occasions, without failure, someone skypes me. I shouldn’t pick up, but I am afraid that somehow, they’ll know…

Secondly, you have to remember your passwords. Well, I am doomed, aren’t I? I don’t remember what I did yesterday. I don’t remember the conversation I had with my neighbor this morning. I don’t remember where I just put my handbag when I came in three minutes ago. So how am I supposed to remember secret codes and languages? Which one has a capital letter? Which one needs at least eight characters, a letter and a digit? Which one has to be entered standing on your head while chanting some Latin magic formula? Not a chance in the world! So I keep hitting the “forgot your password” button. Then I reset it swearing that this time, I will make it logical and easy to remember. And five minutes later, I am back to square one!

No, I am telling you, Bill Pay is not the answer to my problem.

If a computer is going to be involved at any point in the bill paying process, it’s going to have to be on MY terms, i.e.:

1. the computer looks for me, not the other way around

2. It recognizes my face without me having to key in any password

3. It knows who to pay, where and how much

4. It just needs my approval, because that makes me feel powerful and in charge

Other than that, maybe the guy who I owe money to could come and knock on my door – not gangster style, just a friendly, “Hello, it’s bill paying time!” He would bring an ATM with him because I never have any cash, and I don’t know where my checkbook is, remember?!! If I am not here, he will wait for me. Yeah! That sounds like a good solution. Don’t know why nobody has ever thought of this before…



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