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If pets could talk…

If pets could talk, what would they say? I look at mine and believe me, they are as able as humans to express how they feel, what they want, their likes and dislikes, etc…. They can’t say the words, but as far as I am concerned, they don’t really need to. I can hear them by looking at them…

The fish go something like, “Whatever, dude…” From the time I come to feed them in the morning, to when I switch their lamp off for the night. That’s all they say, “Whatever, dude…” Man! Fish are so boring you can’t even have a conversation with them…

Pepper is great. He has so many stuff to talk about. First, when I come downstairs in the morning, he looks at me and his eyes say, “Nope, I was not sleeping on the sofa! Not me. Must have been the cat…” Even though it is written all over his face that he was totally on the sofa. Cheeky dog! Then he gets all excited because he wants to go outside. I can hear him ask, “Oh come on! Come in the garden with me and throw a stick or something! It will be fun!” Not a chance in the world, pal, I have not even had a coffee yet. Then when he comes back in, he sits quietly next to his bowl and waits until someone notices his miserable look, “I am very hungry. Can somebody feed me please?” I am sure Pepper would be very polite if he could speak. He just looks like that kind of well mannered dog…

Once he is finished with his food, he sits next to his bowl again, with the same starving look, just in case someone did not notice that he has already eaten and decides to feed him twice. He rarely gets away with it, but on occasions (like tonight) he does get two servings so that’s all well worth it. Then for the rest of the day, he either sleeps if he is by himself (probably on that same sofa that he is not allowed to climb on), or he sits on me with a look that says, “Give me a hug!” And when we go to bed, he looks at us from the bottom of the stairs, “Don’t worry, I won’t sleep on the sofa” and goes off to do exactly that within one minute. That’s Pepper. Nice, polite, calm. Total liar, but polite.

The cat is the opposite: in my face, rude, completely hysterical and far too honest for her own good..

At 6am sharp, she jumps on my head, with her back arched, her eyes wide open like she is going to eat me with them, “FEED ME! FEED ME! FEED ME! NOW!!!!! HUNGRY! FEED ME!!” And she won’t stop until I get up. When I eventually roll out of bed, she races in zigzags in front of me, like she is trying to trip me off, still chanting, “COME ON! FEED ME! FASTER!!!”. I usually don’t even have the time to put food in her bowl that she is pushing me out of the way with her nose so she can eat. Then she goes and hides somewhere and every time somebody comes upstairs, she goes wild, “Who’s there? What d’you want? Get out of here!” If it just happens to be me, she goes on my favorite, most expensive chair and starts ripping the fabric off with her dinosaur claws. She looks straight into my eyes, “You can’t stop me!! See, I do whatever I want HA!” And she is right! There is nothing I can do to stop her. One day, I chased her off the chair so she went to attack my most valuable carpet. Athena knows her expensive furniture from the cheap stuff, you’ve got to give her that…

Not once does she look like she has anything nice to say! I bet you she probably swears as well, and for that reason, it’s probably best she can’t speak. That cat needs go be taught some manners, seriously!

Comments

  1. This is so funny!! – you are so right about the dogs. My two you know and they certainly pull the “i look really hungry look” with our cleaner. Every Saturday morning she arrives at 8AM – yes I know!! anyway they rush downstairs and give her that ” I am starving look” and she feeds them. We finally discovered it when Muriel asked her after noticing for some time that there were always fewer dog food tins than she expected at the end of the week..

    Man’s best friend and smart to boot!!

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