It’s a woman thing . . .

Yesterday, I was cleaning up my closet, putting away my winter clothes, in the overly optimistic hope that temperatures are going to stay warm from now on. It would have been wise to check the weather forecast for the upcoming week before I started such a daunting task, but too late for that. Oh well, I guess I’ll just be cold for a few weeks.

Anyway, as I was emptying my drawer, I came across these . . .

WHAT THE ?@$%?








Know what they are?

No, they aren’t just tights, they are high waist tights.

Same difference, I hear you say. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just goes to show you never wore high waist tights. High waist tights are for connoisseurs. And by that I mean, once you tried them, you know to never wear them again.

So in order to save you unnecessary torture and misery, here’s the one reason why high waist tights exist (pros), and the many reasons why they are a bad idea (cons):

PROS: completely flat stomach. Baby fat, nutella fat, any type of fat: all invisible. You know that layer of wrapping under which your rock solid abs rest? All gone. Just a super flat, sleek stomach, like you never had. But in order to achieve this, you have to put up with a few cons:
1. Blood circulation totally cut off, from waist all the way down
2. Pressure on bladder means need to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes, which is a problem because of 3.
3. Tights take 20 minutes to wiggle out of, and same amount of time to pull back up. So basically, if you wear these, you should plan to spend a big chunk of your day in the bathroom.
4. Impossible to drive. Forget it, you cannot sit in your car with high waist tights and not pee your pants.
5. Even if you didn’t mind 4, you wouldn’t be able to press the pedals, due to completely numb feet caused by absence of blood – see point 1

One more noticeable aspect of wearing these: it’s not possible to eat. The stomach cannot expand at all, as you will realize when trying to breathe too often. Not sure whether it’s a pro or con . . .


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