Spring is here, ants are back…

I have been longing for spring, warm temperatures and lunches outside for sooooo long. Now that it is here, I REFUSE to complain about the heat or moan about anything associated with spring. And believe me, that season is definitely pushing my buttons: this year, I am developing allergies to more or less everything, I wake up every morning with twenty sneezes and a migraine, go to bed with congestion and sore throat. Plus, some invisible b@&^#@d keeps throwing sand in my eyes every five minutes. The temperature went from -50F t0 +100F overnight, with 500% humidity. Even the mosquitoes made an early appearance. But, no! I won’t complain. I refuse to. It’s all great! … But if I was to complain, WHICH I AM NOT, I would just like to mention that, maybe the one thing irritating me the slightest, is the return of the ants.

Not a biggie, but SERIOUSLY?!! Find another house to invade, eat your own food! How rude are these vile animals? I don’t go anywhere uninvited with my three kids, so when you have a million, you certainly shouldn’t either!!

This year the problem is very, very bad. Still not complaining, but hear me out. I have gazillion ants in my basement, another bazillion in my kitchen and finally, a trillion in my bathroom. How am I supposed to deal with that?

As much as I would love to ignore them and let them be, once they crawl on your arm at the dinner table, or jump in your kids plate, you know you gotta do something.

First thing to try: Humanize the enemy. If you can turn them into friends, maybe you can come to an understanding: “Stay off my plate and I’ll stay off your nest” kinda thing. So we tried just that. We gave them names so that when we talk about them, we don’t go, “We have an ant problem”, but more like, “There is an issue with Bobby, Charlie, Denny, Franny, Greggy, Harry, Jhonny, etc…: But eventually, we ran out of names. Plus, we could never tell Suzy from Betsy, or Ginny from Stony, so this exercise turned into a total flop.

I am really sorry, really, but we’ll just have to go to phase two: the “disposing” of the ants. We tried the most natural way we know: let the big pets take care of the little things. After all, it is the law of nature, nothing wrong with that. Only, the dog is not interested, and the cat is vegetarian, so thank you useless pets!

My last resort was to search the internet for “natural ways to get rid of ants”. And let me tell you, it’s a very cruel world out there… It’s definitely not too good being an ant!

Every website I found first stated how useful ants are, and how we should not kill them, etc… Fair enough, I suppose, especially, when they are not crawling in your kitchen cabinets… But once you have passed the introductory PC comment, it goes something like: “If you really need to kill them, here are a hundred different vicious ideas you should try” So yeah, not so ant-friendly after all…

Currently, I am trying to feed them with food they cannot digest so that they too think my cooking is lousy and decide to  invade somebody else’s space. Well, ants ain’t picky, that’s for sure. Because they keep coming back. I could have sworn I saw a few leaving my kitchen holding their stomach with their front legs (I seriously, really need to find something useful to do with my time, rather than observe ants holding their stomach with a magnifying glass), but they were back the next day so that method is BS. I don’t know what to do next.

I turned to the other human beings living under my roof for some help. The boys have no interest. In fact, quite the opposite! They keep bringing ants form the garden into the house. WE DON’T NEED MORE!!!! My husband thinks I am crazy because he does not see any ants. Well yeah! They go to sleep when it is getting dark, I promise you, it’s true. And they are not up yet when he goes to work because ants are lazy, doesn’t he know that?!

the only one who offered some guidance about what to do is my little girl. That kid is really smart, because she said, “Mom, I think we should change house” She does not read, does not know anything about ants, or killing, but she understands that the only way to deal with this situation is to flee…



Picture of Rocky, or is it… Mandy?





  1. I’ve got an ant problem, too this year and it’s driving me absolutely NUTS. Your post made me laugh… I tried doing the foods they can’t digest method and it didn’t work. I tried those ant traps… nope. Tried, those little papers that have poison that taste yummy… nope. Caulked the crack where I thought they were coming in… nope! I walk around with a spray bottle of vinegar and water… constantly shooting the suckers I see them… nope.

    If you find something that really truly stops your problem, please let me know!

    • nadege nicoll says:

      Grrrrrr!!! I KNOW, right! Nothing works! It’s like my ants are on steroids or something!! I was going to go for the spray with soapy water, but thanks to you, I just saved a precious week of not wasting my time while they reproduce at the speed of light and enjoy a nice shower and boarding in my kitchen. I think I am going to go with my daughter’s solution and start packing my house!!! Likewise, if you stumble of something that works, let me know!!

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