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Things that would change if moms ruled the world… Part two

Last week, I wrote a post about three things that would change if moms ruled the world. OBVIOUSLY, a lot more than three things would change. The world would be a completely different place. For starters, women would get paid more money than men. It’s not discrimination, it’s just that we have a lot more expenses with make-up, high heels, hair dresser, etc… So it’s only fair. Secondly, people would get promoted based on their sense of style, and how complimentary they are to you. One might think it is unfair, but I for one believe that most things are subjective in life. So might as well be obvious about it. Furniture would be made out of micro fibers so you don’t need to be a 6’5, 250 pound muscle mountain to move your sofa. Healthy meals would come in the form of a pill. So would gym sessions: a pink candy for a two mile run, a green one for a 30 minute rowing, etc… And eventually, you could choose who, from the man or the woman would give birth to the baby. But let’s not get carried away…

So quite obviously, there are a lot more than three things moms would do differently if they ruled the world. Here are a few other “realistic” ones:

–          School would start at 9.30. Whoever decided that school starts at 8am obviously did not have kids. Or never had to handle the morning routine. I mean, get real, will you, Mr John Cotton! Do you have any ideas what needs to happen to get ready for school? In my house, it comes as a surprise to every kid that school is in session, that they need to get up for it, get dressed, brush their teeth, have breakfast. On week days, it also seems that coats and shoes disappear, backpacks are lost and nobody has a pair of clean socks to wear. It’s never an issue on week ends, just the week days… Mornings are an insane chain of commands yelled in a random order. It is so exhausting that I am really tempted to skip mornings altogether and start my day at lunch time… So to be at school, dressed and clean at 8am is simply not an option. Something has to give…

–          Travelling with kids would be something like this: a car would pick you up from your home and drop you at the Terminal. A “host” would greet you right outside the door (I was going to write hostess, but thought you might as well be greeted by a 6’4 lbs180 muscular demi-god…) in order to carry our twenty different hand luggage, push the stroller, and keep the kids on a leash (literally or not, I don’t really care). The driver would then park the car and bring your luggage for check in. The host would take you through security, still carrying everything for you and wait with you until it is time to board the plane. During the five long hours of sitting and doing nothing, you would read your book, check emails, facebook, etc… while super-nanny would take the kids to the bathroom, entertain them, and be generally abused by your off-springs. Once boarding time starts, people accompanied by demi-gods would be given priority to settle in the plane and take as long as they wish. Naturally, you would be sitting by yourself, in super duper class at no extra cost, while your host and kids  would be travelling on the opposite side of the plane, far from any vocal reach…

After landing, you would reconvene at the exit, once the host has retrieved your luggage. You would be greeted by a driver who would take you, host and kids to hotel / house. All this at no extra cost to you.

–          Technology which is currently a bunch of gadgets for kids and men who never grew up, would be practical as well as essential. And by that I mean unbreakable, resistant to spit and projectile vomiting, waterproof, flame resistant (Yes! Some kids throw iphones in the chimney!!!)  In summary: indestructible.  Who has never had their phone broken because their kids threw them on the floor? Raise your hands! That’s what I thought… I would love to see a study about phone / computer / ipad breakage, split by population categories: empty nesters vs people with kids.

Well, no, I take that back, I would NOT want to see that. Because the next thing that would happen is that your insurance would be correlated to the number of kids you have. And I have three, so, NO THANK YOU!!

–          Malls would have child centers where you can drop your kids off. A sea of competent child minders would entertain the little angels for hours while you enjoy a stress free shopping experience. When you pick up your kids on your way out, they would be fed with organic and balanced meals, showered and ready for bed – all this complimentary of course. In an ideal world, the child minder would come to your house when you decide to go shopping, but I don’t want to have unrealistic expectations…

So, yeah! We still have a long way to go before we get there.  Until then, your best bet is to do like me: I drive to school in my PJs and slippers EVERY MORNING, I refuse to travel, have given up shopping entirely, and my iphone looks like that…

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Comments

  1. iPhone twins… UGH, the horror when that happened to mine. I am SO on board with school starting at 9:30. It seems it used to start at 9 around here back in the day. I’d even take that.

  2. nadege nicoll says:

    AND it took me the whole night to set up my new phone. I think I might have an allergy to technology… Let’s just hope no teacher ever decides to have a talk with me at drop off, they would be in for a surprise, when they see me stepping out of my car in my slippers…

  3. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw your phone. Mine looked like that with some dog bite marks on the corners for the longest time. I finally got a new one a month or two ago. And I could use some gym candy right now…a couple pinks please!

    • nadege nicoll says:

      Hahahah! You are laughing at my misery!!! Got myself a new phone and would refuse to use it until I get a super duper indestructible case. Got one today, it’s stronger than army requirement (??). Got home, put it on my phone and TAADAA!!!! It’s the wrong case size!!! And I am not even joking…

  4. I discovered your blog through the Liebster Award nomination list Celeste over at Leapfrog and Lipgloss put together. I’m now following your blog!

    Hahaha! I LIKE your vision of the brave new world. We have an ipad that’s identical to your phone. Apparently ‘someone’ dropped it. Several times. They’ve blamed the 9 month old. Sigh. Surely I raised them better than that??
    Why on earth wouldn’t they have blamed the 2 year old? That would have been much more believable. Where did I go wrong?

    • Nadege Nicoll says:

      Ah man, I feel for your ipad! After my phone incident, I went and bought the strongest cover EVER for my ipad. Apparently, it can survive hurricanes. But that still does not mean it can survive my kids, does it? Thanks for following, I am doing the same!

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