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Women Are From Earth, Men Are From … Wherever

Women are generally a lot more practical than men. When presented with a situation, we don’t tend to procrastinate over the whys and hows, and what ifs. We just get down to business and deal with whatever needs dealing with.

Don’t believe me? Try to do your tax return with your husband next time around. And you’ll see. While you are rummaging through the house drawers to gather all necessary paperwork, your husband will be updating his softwares, ordering whatever it is that he has always, always wanted but never had time to buy. While he is at it, he will check how much the neighborhood houses are on the market for. Oh, and why not skype the whole family, parents, long lost aunts, uncles and their kids?

Modern technology brought a lot of good things, like an alarm clock that reminds the kids to brush their teeth and get dressed . . . Only kidding, kids will never remember to brush their teeth and put two shoes on. No technology can ever change that. But other than that, technology is pretty helpful, especially ipads, when it comes to taming unruly kids – not speaking from experience or anything. But there is one thing that technology has made worse, and that’s men total lack of practical sense, which peaks when it comes to navigation systems. If you live with a guy, you know: nothing beats the craziness of directions.

I think the problem comes from a superiority complex that men have built up over the past decades, or centuries even. Yes, they are better wired to read maps. If my husband ever wants to make me feel completely useless, he just needs to give me a map. Then he sits back, relaxes and enjoys the show. Maps were probably invented by men to confuse women, and job well done, guys!

But then, GPS came, and with that, no more reason to brag. Because who cares if you can read a map or not, a computer is doing it for you. It’s not perfect, far from for it, but it’s definitely better than driving around in circles, with a map on your lap, crying hysterically and biting everybody who dares talking. Now all you do is follow the instructions of the annoying lady with a nagging voice. Sometimes, you have no choice, you have to listen to her b*tchy comment, “Make a U-turn!” Yeah, whatever. . .  But like I said, better to arrive somewhere than to never make it and collect a nervous breakdown in the process of not achieving anything. So in a nutshell, I like GPS. Easy, life-saver, and practical.

My husband? Well, that’s a different story. When he wants to go somewhere, here’s what happens”

  • He researches what’s the best route to take on the internet. One route is not enough. He needs at least two or three different options.
  • He puts the address in the GPS and fiddles with the thing for fifteen minutes, God knows why…
  • He gets his phone and puts the address in his google map. I don’t pretend I understand, because I just don’t.

So now, we have two annoying voices giving instructions. And funnily enough, although they are supposed to take us to the same place, they never agree on anything.

  • Finally, he inputs his destination in Waze. Because “That’s the best way to avoid traffic”. And still quite  surprisingly, Waze disagrees with both the GPS and google map.

So basically, we are in the car, with three nagging voices, shouting at the same time different instructions “Turn right!” ‘Turn left”, “Don’t turn!”, which makes everybody very confused. You’d think it’s a good thing. After all, regardless of what you decide to do, you cannot be wrong. But you would under-estimate my husband’s impractical character. After hearing instructions from Mrs GPS, google and Waze, he ends up not listening to any of them because “I know the way anyway”. And I’m sure you don’t believe me, but it is true.

Never go on a road trip with my husband. You will lose your sanity.

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